I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
