I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
