He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That reminds me...we need to get swords
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
