god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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