I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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