i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think my moral compass just broke
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
