Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
