yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
