the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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