I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
