My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
