You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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