two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
