But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
