By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i love accidental penises.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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