i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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