u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
