he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Plan B is the new Plan A
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
