im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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