I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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