I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
