In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
