ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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