you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
In America we eat man semen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
