everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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