for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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