so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
