I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
