just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
