***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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