she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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