Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
