aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
