paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
