I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
