Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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