hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
