there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
