he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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