just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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