i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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