sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
