I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
