I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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