I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
