if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
