Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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