i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
