Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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