Already got asked if we're dating
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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