Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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