The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
