your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
