omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you had me at cake vodka
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
