So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
