So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
