she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
