lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
