he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
