I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
